Sometimes I wonder....

Sometimes I wonder if I am talking to myself. Lately I wonder if I am typing to myself. I have only had three comments since I started this blog. OK I will admit I don't tell everyone about it. I don't post much but come on, is any one reading.

Really I think I would like it better if I knew people weren't reading. I was reading a blog and it said my wife got a haircut. It was a really cute post but I kept thinking. My dh would say my wife cut her hair because......

I do a lot of stupid, goofy, funny, silly things. It is what makes me who I am. I am a dork. Really it's true.

This weekend we were at an all day event with the kids. We had brought our lunch back to the area we were all sitting. All being kids and parents. Several families I think our group was 7 families. Ok so the goofy restaurant did not give us any napkins. My darling sweet daughter got food on her new shirt. She was freaking out needing a napkin. I asked one of the dads who was sitting in his truck if he had any napkins.

He said sure here is a whole box. It was one of those commercial size shop boxes full of paper towels that are all connected. Imagine a 1000 foot roll of paper towels all in one box in one roll. That is what he stuck out the truck window. He said take all you want. Well I had a bottle of water in one hand and with the other went to pull out one napkin. At the same time he let go of the box. I am holding the end and the whole box falls to the ground. Napkins rolling out. The box must of rolled down a hill. I am only 5 feet tall and there was at least 10 feet of napkins in my hand.

Of course everyone bust out laughing. It was funny. But how did I not know that he was going to let go of the box. I didn't know he was handing me the box. I thought I was suppose to grab what I needed and he would keep the rest.

Of course the rest of the day it was a joke about the napkins and did I need any more.

I am glad I am able to entertain everyone.

Napkins any one?????

Some maybe I am glad more people aren't reading.

New Job Title

I have a new job title…….

I became a plastic surgeon today. We have a new puppy. He has a thing for Barbie. He likes to use Barbie as a chew toy.

This morning he stole a Barbie and before we could catch him barbie lost her head. My sweet little girl was crying. It was her favorite Barbie.

I was trying to repair Barbie. My assistant a.k.a. my daughter told me there is a pink thing in her head and you have to get that out and it snaps in here. I guess she has done this before.

I am trying to get the pink thing out and my assistant is watching. So I suggest she finish cleaning her room. No mommy I want to watch the plastic surgery.

I let her watch the plastic surgery. After all how could I refuse? She just gave me a job title I never dreamed I would have.

I knew moms had many titles, I just never knew it would some day include plastic surgeon.

Trading in my old car.

Buying a car is always an experience. We bought a new one this past weekend. We were trading in my old car. Here is a conversation we had.

DH : Where is the second key and remote to your car? (let me add when did cars you ride in on the highway start having remotes? I thought remotes went to toys.)

Me: They were run over.

DH : You ran over your keys?

Me: No some one else ran over them.

DH: Why did someone run over your keys?

Me: Probably because they were in the road.

DH: Why were your keys in the road.

Me: They must of fallen off the bumper of my truck.

DH: Oh it is starting to make sense now. (rolling his eyes) How did you find them?

Me: Some guy called me and said he found them.

DH: How did he get the number, do you have our number on your keys?

Me: The lady at the library gave him our number. Before you ask my library card is on my keys.

DH: Why did I even ask where they were in the first place? (with a bit of sarcasm)

Me: Because the sales guy wanted them.

I was hit by a ........

One day my husband, the kids and I are driving down the highway. When the back door of a trailer full of cows comes open. The truck stops. Some of the cows walk out of the trailer onto the highway. So of course we stop to help. Another truck does to. We herd the cows into a gate area. Back the trailer into the area, I park my truck across the other opening. Now no cows can get back out on the highway.

One of the men opens the door and ALL the cows come out. All the men are trying to herd the cows back into the trailer. One asked me to hold the door open. I can not see over the men. All the cows are going in the trailer.

Suddenly it was the parting of the men. Next thing I know I am face to face with a cow. I jump to get out of the way. The cow catches my arm and throws me. My flip flops stayed where I WAS standing, I land in a ditch. I look up and the cow is trying to get between my truck and a metal pole. The cow is rocking my truck. Suddenly the cow backs out of the space and gets in the trailer. I guess it gave up on it's quest for freedom.

I get in the truck and my kids are crying. I tell them it's ok everyone is ok. I am muddy and stinking now. My arm really does hurt. My sweet loving son says it not ok. You are all dirty now and we can't go get pancakes.

Pancakes !!! I was just hit by a cow !!!

My Sunroof ......

I have nothing to write about. Nothing. OK I guess I can write about my sunroof.

I opened my sunroof and it decided to not close. I went to three places before I found a place that deals with open sunroofs. I won’t tell you how much it cost to close my sunroof. I will tell you that my husband actually asked me why was the sunroof open. I told him I wanted to see if it was raining. Actually I opened it because my daughter wanted to see a balloon that was floating away. Saying I wanted to see if it was raining sounded like a better answer though. Since then I have been thinking of reasons we open the sunroof.

1. To see if it’s raining. (Sorry this is my favorite now)
2. To see the balloon floating away.
3. To see the stars.
4. To watch the airplanes flying over us.
5. To see the bottom of the railroad tracks we are driving under.
6. For Vitamin D let the sun shine in.
7. So when we sing the people in the cars next to us can hear.
8. So I can wave at people at lights
9. To add body to my hair, nothing like a little wind to pump up your hair.
10. To enjoy the beautiful day.

Why do you open your sunroof? Why do they even put sunroofs in automobiles?

Never Pluck Your Eyebrows while...

You should never pluck your eyebrows while you are on the phone. How do I know this? Because thats what I did. When I got off the phone I realized I over plucked. I really over plucked. I think what should I do?

Then comes the next bad plan. I will cut my hair so I can have bangs to cover the eyebrows. Sounds good right?????

Ok it was going good until I was about half way done with the hair cut and the kids come in yelling the UPS man is here.

So I go outside with my over plucked eyebrows and my half cut hair and try to act like everything is ok. I kept thinking maybe I should explain all of this to him. Then I thought no I already made two mistakes let's leave it at that.

Then to top things off my dog tried to get in the truck and leave with him.

None of this would of happened if I never had to move to the country. If I still lived in the City, I could still have my eyebrows waxed. Yet another reason to move back to the City.

I will not soon forget this Valentines Day : )

They will think I am a waitress....in a

A few weeks ago a friend and I were going to lunch. She mentioned she was going to have to pay with her debit card. She said I only have ones. I have $50.00 all in ones. I started laughing and was thinking they will think you are a waitress. About that time she said they will think I am a waitress. I really started laughing then and at the same time we looked at each other and said in a topless bar.

Ok why would a 30 something mom say such a thing? I don't know. Why would two 30 something moms say such a thing : )

I told her really you should pay with all ones. It will be funny. She wasn't up for an adventure and paid with her debit card.

So a few days later I am going through a drive through and look in my wallet and I have a huge stack of ones. I think I should pay with the ones. Of course when I get to the window I hand the lady a ten and shove the ones she gives me back into my purse.

Now I know why I always have so many ones. Ones have become the pennies of our grandparents. It is so much easier to hand someone a ten or twenty. Our ones are saved for a rainy day. Or a day you want someone to think you are a waitress.... maybe a waitress in a topless bar.

So I have decided to save my ones. I think one day when I have a cranky wal-mart cashier I will pay with all ones. I can see her face now as I count out 100 ones. I of course will make sure there is no one in line behind me. Unless of course I want the person behind me in line to think I am a waitress ...... in a ......