Thinking....and guppies

I haven't posted in a couple of months. Wow I don't know what happened. I'm going to try and post at least once a week. Today I have been thinking about an old friend. Actually I have been dreaming crazy dreams about this person. I thought about calling them but what do you say? "Hey haven't talked to you in a while but last night I had this dream about you." Haha I don't think that would go over well. Ok they will either think it's funny or that I'm crazy. The thing is the dreams are crazy and make NO sense. Which is why I think about it all day.

We have nine baby guppies. We were at the pet store a month of so ago and the lady was taking baby guppies out of the guppy tank. Next thing I know we are taking the baby guppies home. They are getting big and starting to look like guppies. Someday I will learn to not take my daughter to the pet store. When I agreed to let her go, I told her we are NOT buying ANY animals. Next time I will say we are not taking any animals home. THEY can NOT give you anything.
Live and Learn : )

I don't know where I am.

Recently I was driving and my phone rang. I answered and said "I don't know where I'm at but, I will probably lose my signal." The person calling started laughing and said that made absoultly no sense. I said sure it does I'm somewhere between here and there and I never have a signal. Don't ask exactly where I'm at because I don't know. More laughter and I lost my signal. Told you : )
On the way back home someone else called and asked where I was. I said on the way home. They said " smart axx where are you" I don't know where I'm somewhere between there and home. Why is it so hard for people to know I don't know where I'm at?
So if you call today and I say I don't know where I'm at you will know.

new post

Yesterday instead of writing a new post I added some old post. Since these were post I had already started writing earlier in the year, they posted on the original dates. Now if you want to read them you have to go back through all my old post. If you are a follower I think it sends you a direct link. The rest of you, I'm sorry.

The names I call people...

I call people names all the time. I often have friends who have the same name. I know I could call them by their first and last name, but why when I can make up something better.
Here are a few people I have had in my life. I have changed the names.

The other Renee (our neighbor at one time)
Fun Renee
Nashville Renee
Bingo Mary
Across the Street Mary
Crazy Diane
Everyone loves Raymond Diane
Swinging Jane
Incredibles/Lake Jane
Niece Jane

K. was telling me I should blog about Incredibles Jane. Asking if she knew she was Incredibles Jane. I said no I call her Lake Jane. We were lol and suddenly she stops and looks at me and says what do you call me. I told her she didn't have another name only her real name.

So how did Incredibles Jane get her name? The first time K. met Jane, Jane was talking about how she would not let her kids watch The Incredibles because the woman cartoon character had a low cut outfit. K. had on a tight low cut shirt. A few days later K. asked me if Jane said anything about her low cut shirt. I told her no, but Incredibles Jane had her name that day.

Covering the gray......

A friend convinced me I should let her color my gray. We went to Sally Beauty Supply to buy the needed supplies. The YOUNG girl who was helping us said I wouldn't use that,when I colored my grandmothers hair...... I told her she could go in the back we didn't need her help. The other young girl thought that was to funny. So they both helped us find what we needed. I told the first girl I was just joking. I don't remember what all was said but it was a very funny time.

We get home and begin the process. The time applying the color was fairly fast. The fun started when we begin to rinse out the color in the sink. Here is the conversation.

kat: Scoot forward a little bit.
I stand up on my tiptoes
kat: Not on your tiptoes
me: I can't scoot forward my boobs are stuck on the ledge of the sink.
by standing on my tiptoes I was able to scoot forward then not stand on my tiptoes
me: You are getting my shirt wet.
kat: it's not your shirt, it's mine
me: my bra is soaked
kat: well you moved forward and I shot the water down your shirt. But your hair looks so good really.

We were laughing and screaming so hard the kids thought there was another rat in the garage.

Lifeguards and my kids

My kids could swim before they could walk. They took swim lessons starting at 6 months. We went year round to this wonderful indoor pool. We loved it. Many people think you should not teach children to swim so young, I always thought it was great. It does come with it's own set of problems.

Most people are not prepared to see a 2 year old jump off the side of the pool and swim. This is something I was always needing to remind myself.

Once we were on vacation and went to the pool. It was my oldest daughter who was 14, my son who was 4 and my baby girl who was 2. When we got to the pool the entire shallow end was packed. No one was at the deep end which was maybe 4ft, dd14 and I could touch. So we went to the deep end. Dd14 jumped in and I was still putting all of our stuff in chairs. The two littles ones each had swim noodles, they asked me if they could get in, I told dd14 to watch them. They threw their noodles in and I was putting towels in our chairs. Suddenly I hear a woman scream, I turn to see her throw her book and run to the side of the pool. I run to the side of pool, which is about 3 feet from me, thinking her kid is drowning. I get to the side and see my two swimming to their noodles. She looks at me and says I thought they couldn't swim. I tell her they swim very well and their big sister is right there. After that I always made sure I was sitting on the side of the pool or in the pool where they were jumping in. I did this even if my older kids were in the pool with the little ones.

Another time we were at the public pool that has this wonderful short fast water slide. I was in the water with the kids. They asked if they could go down the slide. They had done this many times before and most of the lifeguards at the pool knew them. I am in the water and ds 6 comes down the slide and swims to the side. DD who was 4 at the time comes down the slide and this time there is a new lifeguard at the slide when she sees dd coming down the slide and no one at the bottom to catch her she jumps in. DD starts swimming towards me and the lifeguard is swimming after her. After a few seconds she stops looks at dd, me and the other lifeguards. The other lifeguard tells her my kids can swim. The lifeguard laughs and says oh well it was hot anyways.

There are to many stories like this to write about. There was the time we went to a public pool with friends dd was 2 and ds 4. My friend had kids the same age who could swim. The girls were about to go off the diving board and the life guards all started blowing their whistles and screaming. They made the girls get off the diving board. Got all 4 of our kids and made them take a swim test before they would let them in the pool. I do not think that was standard policy.

Maybe if they did make all kids take a swim test before they could get in the pool we would have less drownings. I was never mad at the lifeguards or strangers for trying to make sure my kids safe. Just embarrassed. I was always right there. ALWAYS.

This post is getting to long so I will write what made me start thinking about all this later.

Did you miss me?

Or did you even know I was gone?
I was gone for a while. My ISP was sold to another company. The other company was not nice. I will put that nicely. What I really want to do is take an out in the paper to tell people just how horrible they were. Anyways now I have a new ISP and they are great. So I am back.

I have so many things to blog about I don't know where to start. Which story should be first?

1. The friend who was going through receipts and saw her husband bought condoms and gum. That's it only thing on the receipt. She told him he could of bought some other things to hide the condoms. He said well the guy in line in front of me bought condoms and doughnuts. I guess that makes it all ok.
2. About the fact that baseball and softball season makes me gain weight.
3. Why I have a green swimming pool.
4. My daughter has a video clip she wants to send to America's Funniest Home Videos. I want to send it to the City Manager. It shows her swinging and the swing breaks.
5. How I wish I had an alligator story. Someone probably has that story who will not even blog about it. I need the good alligator story. I want to be able to say One night I was driving down the highway and saw an alligator. Some people have all the luck.
6. That my cousin is crazy.
7. I know there are more but that is all I can remember right now.

Boobie Smashing

I had an appointment today to have my boobies smashed. When the dr. told me I had to have this done, he spent ten minutes telling me how I should of already went. I told him maybe he should give me a tranquilizer for this appointment. He laughed and said it's not that bad. I said that is easy for you to say.

I arrived at the office thinking maybe I should just skip this. The lady asked me if I was ready. I told her maybe I needed to be sedated. She laughed and said I promise it is not as bad as you have heard. She spent several minutes explaining everything and making sure I was ready. She told me it might be uncomfortable but it will be tolerable. I kept thinking she doesn't know how low my pain tolerance is.
Did I blog about giving blood? I can't remember. It wasn't a good experience. I had a bruise two weeks later. Ok back to today.

The worst part of today is the having to stand still. She tells you don't breath and be still. I wanted to move so bad. She asked if it was as bad as I thought. I said the standing still part is the worst. She said she had one lady who told her but I can feel my heart beating. LOL

So ladies don't put this off. It is not bad, I promise. Throw modesty out the window. Once you throw modesty out the window you will be fine.

I don't know why everyone says it is so bad. It was not bad. Not something I want to do every day but I would rather do that than donate blood again.

Going straight from the turn lane.......

Going Straight from the turn lane......

The Officer in the car behind you does not care that you waited until the other cars were gone first.

He does care that you are making him wait while you try to go straight when you should be turning.

He does no care if doing this is going to get you to your dr.'s appoinment on time.

He does not care if you never really meant to be in the turn lane in the first place.

I promise it is going to take longer to explain all of this to the law enforcement officer than if you would of just turned and went the long way. Your dr. might leave before you get to the office. Just turn and save yourself the trouble. Or maybe you want to miss your appointment and go through all this again.

An emergency broadcast.....

There was a threat of bad weather tonight. We had the high winds and were praying for rain. My son and I were driving home from the grocery store, it was already dark outside. We were listening to the radio. I was scanning channels. I do not have my radio set to channels. Depending on where I am there are different stations. So I always push the scan button. I hear the beep, beep, beeeeeeeep of an emergency warning. I stop the radio. I am not sure where the station is but think maybe they are already having bad weather some where near us. My son and I sit in silence waiting for the announcement. It seems to take forever.... in the back of my mind I am praying the bad weather is no where near us. I am sure it isn't but I just don't know. Finally the report comes on. Just as suddenly the car is filled with laughter. The emergency report is in Spanish. I am laughing and tell my son, I sure hope they aren't telling us to take cover. I switch stations and no one else has a warning, so it must of been a test, a test in Spanish.

Words of Wisdom

My words of wisdom for the day.

If you are mounting pictures to foam board wear gloves. Don't hold the foam board while you are spraying it, if you do wear gloves.

I was in a hurry and didn't really think it through first. I will next time, or maybe next time I will plan ahead and have it done.

Watch out Barbie, Legos be on alert.......

Barbie you best keep your little boots and high heels put up. Legos make sure you are not left laying on the floor. I have a new best friend. I have a new vacuum. I love my new vacuum. I am wondering how I have lived my life with out this sweet little vacuum. I love this vacuum so much that I threw my old vacuum in the dumpster. I decided I didn't want to dig the hay out of the vacuum. I didn't have to spend any money on my new vacuum. My new vacuum is the shop vac. Who knew how wonderful shop vacs were? All these years the shop vac has been outside. I thought shop vacs were for shops not houses.

I needed to vacuum out around the air conditioner and the hose on my vacuum was not working. I decided to use the shop vac. It worked great. Then I went around the kitchen and vacuumed under the stove and refrigerator. Here is the best thing about the shop vac..... you can vacuum up barbies boots and legos with out messing up the vacuum. I LOVE IT!!!

We only have carpet in two rooms, so now I need to figure out how to vacuum the carpet with this thing. If I don't figure out how to vacuum the carpet I will have to buy a new vacuum. I didn't think about vacuuming the two rooms with carpet when I threw the old vacuum in the trash. Sometimes my excitment gets in the way of clear thinking.

I need a new vacuum......

If your daughter tells you she needs the shop vac to vacuum her room, believe her.

Today my daughter was cleaning her room. She came in the kitchen and asked for the shop vac. I asked what for. She said to vacuum her room. I told her you don't vacuum your room with the shop vac, use the regular vacuum. She said OK, but I really think I should use the shop vac.

Later I go to vacuum my room and the vacuum is not working. I look inside and the hose is full of HAY. That's right HAY. I ask dd why is the vacuum full of hay. She says the rabbit knocked the hay over and the hay was in her carpet. I am not sure how the hay got out of the cage and at this point it doesn't matter. This is a tiny sweet little rabbit. I can not imagine it could of made that big of a mess.

I told dd the vacuum isn't working because of the hay. She said I told you I needed the shop vac. When will I ever learn to listen or ask more questions. I have been wanting a new vacuum. Maybe this is a good thing.

Why my back hurts......

The other morning I woke up and my back was hurting. It got worse as the day went on. I kept wondering what did I do. Why does my back hurt. I could not think of anything I had done recently. In the back of my mind I did wonder if I picked a bag of feed up wrong or something.

My past did come to mind. I thought maybe it is from when I had the collision with the drunk driver when I was 17. A drunk slid through a red light and crashed into my car. Then asked me why I was calling the police. I said "HELLO!!! Look at my car!!!!" I spent a year in physical therapy for my back. Fun !! Fun !!! Not!!

Or maybe it was when I was 15. I was with a couple of friends and the one driving was going to where her boyfriend was working or at a friends. I don't remember the details. What I do remember is her seeing him and stopping the car and jumping out to go yell at him. What she forgot to do was put the car in park first. The other person in the front seat had no idea what was happening. I yelled at her to put the car in park her response was "what?" So I dove over the back seat and tried to put the car in park. The thing is believe it or not even though I am short my feet were still in the back seat. Seems you need your foot on the brake to change gears. So we crashed into the building.

Maybe it was all the times my friend made me climb through the little sliding back window of his little truck. He was always locking his keys in his truck. Lucky for him I could climb through that little window.

Maybe it was the million other things I did when I was younger.......

Girls and their phones.........

My phone was beeping that I had a text message. Imagine my surprise when I didn't know who it was from. I read the message out loud "Hi ! It's M." and blah blah blah. I suddenly have my answer when DD says oh that's my friend. I look at her "WHAT?"

It seems she has been giving out my number and telling her friends to text her at my number. You guys know how old she is. What is going to happen when she is teen? Or even a tween. I think I will understand how parents get $1,000 text bills.

I don't want to think about it. I am not feeling well. At least my son isn't as into texting as she is. I thought when I told her she could text her older sister, she knew it was just her sister she was suppose to text. Not the whole world.

Raise you hand..............

Raise your hand if you have ever been over served!!!!!

Better yet... Raise your hand if you know what being over served means.

I can't believe no one knows what being over served means.

Maybe that's why B. thought it was so funny. He had never heard it before. He was feeling under the weather because he had been over served the night before.
I thought everyone had heard of being over served.
Maybe I made it up. Who knows.
If you were over severed you drank to much. Being over served is a way to say you had to much to drink the night before.

Over served.... is it one or two words

I was talking to a friend and her hubby was feeling a little under the weather. I told her that's what happens when you get over served.
Her hubby thinks this is the funniest thing ever. I am not sure why. Have you been over served? It happens to the best of us.

The Verdict is in.......

The verdict is in.....I am not funny..... I am a smart aXX....

I will let you choose which letters to replace the x's with. I could be a smart ant, ape, ace, age... the list could on for ever.

This past weekend I was around when a little girl was lost. Everyone was trying to find her mother and her mother was found. The little girl cried and screamed the whole time she was with me. There was no calming her down. Luckily her mom was found quickly. After all returned to normal some one asked "What did her mother say?"
I said "She said 'What's wrong with you people making my kid scream like that?' "

At least one person laughed at this, another said "Did she really say that?"
No she didn't say anything. How boring would it be to say, she didn't say anything?

Today I made more people laugh. We were at a meeting for one of my kids many activities. At some point he turned it into a meeting about another activity, archery. It became obvious he was planning to sign up for this new activity asking the coach many questions. Then the coach said why are you looking at mom? I was sitting at the end of the table about 12 feet away working on something else. I said because he needs a ride to Archery. Everyone started laughing.

So maybe I am not funny after all. I can't believe it took us a year to figure it out.

My Amazing Kids

I hear all the time how great my kids are. Sure this makes a mom feel proud then you have days like today. At the local Chinese restaurant there is a young man and woman who are from China. They are really nice to the kids. A few months ago they taught them how to eat with chopsticks. The kids are really good at it now.
Today the kids returned the favor. The kids showed them how to make a paper snake with the wrapper from the straw. How to put water from your straw on to the snake and make it grow.
Yep! That's my amazing kids. I don't think they will get a spot on Oprah anytime soon. At least they didn't show them how to tear the end of the wrapper and blow through the straw so the wrapper goes flying. Last time DD did that to her Aunt her darling Aunt ducked and the wrapper landed in a woman's hair sitting behind us.

I need a new phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have went through several phones in the last few months. I keep saying everyone has a smart phone but me. I have a stupid phone. I had the perfect phone, I loved my phone. Then my phone had an accident with the water. The next three phones I had, had accidents with the water. The next phone had an accident with the scissors. Some day I will learn to say EXACTLY what I mean. I was wrapping presents and asked my son to bring me the scissors. He comes in the room with the scissors. I tell him to throw them on the table. He does EXACTLY that. The tip hits the camera on the phone and breaks it. I didn't like that phone anyways. Now I have the stupid phone. Every time I send a text message it starts trying to guess what I am spelling. It spells words and I have to go back and erase it. Sometimes the word it guesses makes me laugh. Other times it makes the person receiving the message think I am losing my mind. One day I was meeting a friend. They sent a message saying they were almost there. I wrote back saying I am almost there to. The message they received said I am almost there tomorrow. Another message was about someone being HOT. They received a message about someone being HOTEL. Both of those times it was the last word and my phone changed it right as I hit send. I did not have a chance to change it. The other times when I am in the middle and have time to change it's not so bad. Except when I am standing by myself laughing at the words the phone is choosing. I am almost ready to give in and get a IPHONE.

Every where I go.......

It seems every where I go I see someone I know. Earlier this week I was in the mini city which is 80 miles from home. I was at Sam's and see someone I know. Tonight the kids and I were on our way home from the City and stop to get something to eat. We are about 60 miles from home. We are walking out of the restaurant as people are walking in. We stop and wait for them. Finally the last person is holding the door for us. Guess what? I know him. We chat for a minute and he ask what are you doing out here? I tell him and ask what he is doing there. He is 200 miles from home. This happens all the time. I have been in other states and seen people I know. I don't know if I just know a lot of people or if we all just travel often.

Road Signs

I have been wondering about road signs. Does the no littering sign keep you from littering. I am pretty sure I would not litter even if there were no signs. Someone dumped a couch on the side of the road at the end of our road. When it was picked up, they put up a sign that said no dumping. Do you think if the sign had been there it would of kept the people from dumping the couch?

Maybe they have to have these signs so they can enforce the law if they catch someone. I don't know. Next on my list are the deer crossing signs. How do they decide where to put those? Do the deer know that is where they should cross? I have seen several deer crossing right where the sign is. I just wonder how the deer knew to cross there.

Friends.....

I have this friend…..

I have this friend and we always laugh and have fun when we are together. She is my best friend. At least I hope she is after she reads this. It seems not only do we laugh together we get sick together.

A few years ago we went to a bookstore together. It should have taken us an hour to get there, but it took us three hours. We ate lunch before we left at a taco place. That was our huge mistake of the day.

We were driving, talking, laughing and just enjoying the day. Probably why it took us three hours to get there. We had to miss a turn somewhere. We were having a great time. We finally get to the bookstore. We are so excited to check out all the books. We had heard great things about this store. Well we are looking around and suddenly I ask her do you feel ok? Her answer is no. I am feeling worse by the second. We leave and start home.

We are so sick. We keep laughing because we can’t believe how bad we feel. The laughing is making it worse. Why can’t we stop laughing? I am going to be sick. My stomach is killing me. I just want to get home and go to bed. It is becoming obvious we have food poisoning. I did try to convince her it was her driving that was making us sick.

We make it home in less than an hour. We both are dying by this time. I still have to get in my car and drive home. Luckily home was only15 minutes away.

A few days later we are talking to friends and mention we went to the bookstore. They all say oh why didn’t you invite us? We would of loved to gone. We both say oh just be glad you didn’t. It was horrible. Of course now this store has a location 10 minutes from my friends house. So every one goes and no one gets food poisoning along the way.

Now we have yet another story of being sick together. We went to this place to go swimming. It was a blast all the kids had a great time. It was so much fun we made plans to go back next month and invite ALL of our friends. We couldn’t wait to go back.

Two days later we hear on the news any one who went swimming there and starts to feel ill should contact the health department immediately. Excuse me? We could have what? Are you kidding? Ok so the news doesn’t joke and no they didn’t answer my questions. Maybe I should of called and asked them. So the last week we have stayed close to home waiting to get sick. Every now and then my stomach hurts and I think oh no this is it. I am getting sick. A little bit later I forget it was hurting and I am fine. We call and text each other, the question is always the same. How do you feel? The kids are avoiding me. They are tired of me asking them if they feel ok. So for a few more days we will wait to be sick. I don’t think ever in my life I have waited to be sick. A friend invited us to go to an amusement park with her family tomorrow. I told her we can’t we might be sick. Maybe I should have explained why we might be sick. I wonder if she will ever invite us somewhere again. I don’t think we will go back next month. I don’t think I will ever swim in a public pool again. We have a little above ground pool. I think we need to upgrade to a huge in ground pool with water slides. Then we can just swim at home. That’s all for now I need to get back to waiting to be sick.

My daughter is city challenged!!!!!!!!!!

We moved to the country when my sweet daughter was three. She remembers very little about the city life. Sometimes I forget she has spent most of her life in the country. Sometimes she reminds me.

On a trip to the city when she was 4 she announced from her car seat "I didn't know there was an airport here." I only see a very popular, very large mall. I ask her why she thinks there is an airport there. She says "Because there is a parking garage. I thought the only airport here was by G's house." I quickly tell her "Honey that is a mall." To which she responds " What is a mall?" My son fills her in on the details. She says "No way, what is it really?" I tell her we are going to the mall.

I don't remember where we were headed that day but we went to the mall instead. Since then she has been to several malls. She loves them all.

I could not believe we had been to the airport more than the mall. Then there was the day she rode in an elevator for the first time. She had ridden in an elevator when she was a toddler but did not remember those days. These are all things we never thought about my son learning about. They were just parts of life. She is older now and I thought knew about most of the differences between the city and country.

That is until the other night. We were spending the night in the city and were out later than normal. We were going to stop and get something to eat on the way to the hotel. She was asking about different places to eat.

Here is our conversation.

Mom: I am not sure what will be open.

DD: Why would they be closed?

Mom: It's very late.

DD: Things at home would be open.

Mom: No they would not.

DD: They are always open when we go.

Mom: We are usually not out this late.

DD: It's not late. It's not dark outside.

Mom: Yes it is.

DD: It doesn't look dark.

Mom: That is because of all the lights

DD: So if it's that late where are the stars?

Thank you

Thank you to my two sweet loving friends who comment. The rest of you just try to comment. You guys send emails but don't comment. I think I may start posting your emails on the blog. No I would never do that. OK I might. Is any one wondering why I haven't posted in forever? Because I have not had Internet. I truly know now I am addicted. I was going to a friends house almost daily just to check my email. Now on to my question that so many of you answered in emails. Sometimes people say things that make me wonder.....

• "Do normal people know this?" A mom said this after I explained to her when her child would of received certain vaccinations.
• "I have a really stupid question and I thought you would know the answer" a friend said this. I was not sure if this was a compliment or .... After all she has a rocket scientist smart husband. He was in the car with her when she called to ask.
• "You have an excellent command of the English language." An English professor from the North East said this to me. He could not believe I was raised in the south. Maybe he should hear me now. He would believe it.
• "Are you serious?" I have heard this more time than I can count. Often it is right after I ask a really stupid question. The person saying it is usually looking at me like I am crazy.
• I did stick a 50 dollar bill in my steering wheel.

The truth is I like to have fun. Sometimes the price of fun is asking goofy questions or making silly statements. So next time I say something stupid remember sometimes I make you laugh.

Happy New Year !!!

Here is my question for the year. Plus now you have to comment. : )

Do you think I am smart or do you think I am clueless?

Of course your answers can be fun.
Happy New Year.