I was hit by a ........

One day my husband, the kids and I are driving down the highway. When the back door of a trailer full of cows comes open. The truck stops. Some of the cows walk out of the trailer onto the highway. So of course we stop to help. Another truck does to. We herd the cows into a gate area. Back the trailer into the area, I park my truck across the other opening. Now no cows can get back out on the highway.

One of the men opens the door and ALL the cows come out. All the men are trying to herd the cows back into the trailer. One asked me to hold the door open. I can not see over the men. All the cows are going in the trailer.

Suddenly it was the parting of the men. Next thing I know I am face to face with a cow. I jump to get out of the way. The cow catches my arm and throws me. My flip flops stayed where I WAS standing, I land in a ditch. I look up and the cow is trying to get between my truck and a metal pole. The cow is rocking my truck. Suddenly the cow backs out of the space and gets in the trailer. I guess it gave up on it's quest for freedom.

I get in the truck and my kids are crying. I tell them it's ok everyone is ok. I am muddy and stinking now. My arm really does hurt. My sweet loving son says it not ok. You are all dirty now and we can't go get pancakes.

Pancakes !!! I was just hit by a cow !!!

My Sunroof ......

I have nothing to write about. Nothing. OK I guess I can write about my sunroof.

I opened my sunroof and it decided to not close. I went to three places before I found a place that deals with open sunroofs. I won’t tell you how much it cost to close my sunroof. I will tell you that my husband actually asked me why was the sunroof open. I told him I wanted to see if it was raining. Actually I opened it because my daughter wanted to see a balloon that was floating away. Saying I wanted to see if it was raining sounded like a better answer though. Since then I have been thinking of reasons we open the sunroof.

1. To see if it’s raining. (Sorry this is my favorite now)
2. To see the balloon floating away.
3. To see the stars.
4. To watch the airplanes flying over us.
5. To see the bottom of the railroad tracks we are driving under.
6. For Vitamin D let the sun shine in.
7. So when we sing the people in the cars next to us can hear.
8. So I can wave at people at lights
9. To add body to my hair, nothing like a little wind to pump up your hair.
10. To enjoy the beautiful day.

Why do you open your sunroof? Why do they even put sunroofs in automobiles?

Never Pluck Your Eyebrows while...

You should never pluck your eyebrows while you are on the phone. How do I know this? Because thats what I did. When I got off the phone I realized I over plucked. I really over plucked. I think what should I do?

Then comes the next bad plan. I will cut my hair so I can have bangs to cover the eyebrows. Sounds good right?????

Ok it was going good until I was about half way done with the hair cut and the kids come in yelling the UPS man is here.

So I go outside with my over plucked eyebrows and my half cut hair and try to act like everything is ok. I kept thinking maybe I should explain all of this to him. Then I thought no I already made two mistakes let's leave it at that.

Then to top things off my dog tried to get in the truck and leave with him.

None of this would of happened if I never had to move to the country. If I still lived in the City, I could still have my eyebrows waxed. Yet another reason to move back to the City.

I will not soon forget this Valentines Day : )

They will think I am a waitress....in a

A few weeks ago a friend and I were going to lunch. She mentioned she was going to have to pay with her debit card. She said I only have ones. I have $50.00 all in ones. I started laughing and was thinking they will think you are a waitress. About that time she said they will think I am a waitress. I really started laughing then and at the same time we looked at each other and said in a topless bar.

Ok why would a 30 something mom say such a thing? I don't know. Why would two 30 something moms say such a thing : )

I told her really you should pay with all ones. It will be funny. She wasn't up for an adventure and paid with her debit card.

So a few days later I am going through a drive through and look in my wallet and I have a huge stack of ones. I think I should pay with the ones. Of course when I get to the window I hand the lady a ten and shove the ones she gives me back into my purse.

Now I know why I always have so many ones. Ones have become the pennies of our grandparents. It is so much easier to hand someone a ten or twenty. Our ones are saved for a rainy day. Or a day you want someone to think you are a waitress.... maybe a waitress in a topless bar.

So I have decided to save my ones. I think one day when I have a cranky wal-mart cashier I will pay with all ones. I can see her face now as I count out 100 ones. I of course will make sure there is no one in line behind me. Unless of course I want the person behind me in line to think I am a waitress ...... in a ......

Box Tops

We have been collecting box tops for a service project. The problem is I am becoming obsessed with box tops. I should of seen the signs. My first clue should of been when I bought baby wipes to go in a baby shower gift. On the outside of the package was two bonus box tops. I kept thinking is it wrong to take those? I did buy them. Would the person getting the gift think who stole my box tops?
I just could not decide if it was right or not. So I left the box tops on the baby wipes.
A few weeks later we are buying toilet paper. You have to buy cottonelle because you get box tops. The kids found a bonus pack so we can get an extra box top. Now they have my obsession with boxtops.
Later that week someone brought snacks to girl scouts and guess what was on the box? You guessed it more box tops. I asked the leader can I have the boxtops?
People are going to start hiding their boxes from me. Maybe I should start carrying scissors so I can cut out the box tops people are going to throw away.

Do you think I am funny??????

I filled out one of those silly email question forms. Things about me. Sometimes I feel them out with real answers and other times with crazy answers. Once I sent one meant to go to one friend to everyone in my address book. OK this would be great if I had put real answers. I of course had all these outrageous answers. One was that I had 10 tattoos. I have none. I had some other funny answers. I meant to send it to a friend as a joke.


Earlier this week I sent out another one of these emails. I put real answers even though some of them were funny. For places I have been I put different Texas Beaches. Others put different states and countries.

Ok on to the point of this post. One of the girls who sent it back with her answers had an answer that causes great concern for me. One of the questions said what really annoys you about people? One of her answers was "PEOPLE WHO THINK THEY ARE FUNNY AND AREN'T"

Oh my gosh was she talking about ME !!!! Could she be talking about me? No not me I am funny. Really I am. I know I am. People tell me I am funny all the time.

So today I tell a couple of friends about this. Their response is they break out into laughter. Not a little laugh. A laugh out loud laugh. I tell them no really I am serious. They assure me I am funny. But I am still worried. Maybe she doesn't get my sense of humor.

So next time I see her I am going to try to not say anything funny. Not one funny thing.

I have some friends I can just look at and start laughing and no it's not because they are funny looking. It's because I look at them and remember just how loud they screamed when I walked in their house from the garage with a rattlesnake skin and say look what I found in your garage.

Really I am funny...........

The grass is always greener on the other side.

Several years ago driving down a country road we see a cow. OK so we see lots of cows, what was different about this cow? Well it seems it thought the grass was greener on the other side of the fence and got out. This to happens often, so why still laugh about this cow. All the other cows were sticking their head through the fence to eat the grass on the other side, this cow was sticking her head through the fence to eat the grass where all the other cows were. I wanted to stop and tell the cow You silly cow you are out you can walk up and down the road and eat all the grass you want. Why do you want to eat the grass that you didn't want when you had it?

Of course since last time I got out of the truck to help some cows on the side of the highway I ended up being thrown 20 feet through the air and landing in a ditch. I decided to let this cow prove the point the grass is always greener on the other side.